Bonn

i abhor the paranoia that is caused by unnecessary chaos....u cld say i cn be the most paranoid person around...i guess i inherit this from my father...when he is paranoid i get agitated with his paranoia n then i get reeled in it as well...haih...call me immature n selfish but more often than not i curse at the situation that is rite now....some people find it an honour n a privilege to be living in an era or period that might be recorded in history books years from nw....they claim those harrowing times either brought by war or depression or whatever social distress as moments that defined them as humans...a kind of affirmation for them to feel that they have done well n deserve certain social recognition...in order just to be ok...just to be able to accept thyself...ok i am now officially lost...pendek kate wat im trying to say is that i dont like whatever is happening now that is or cld get between me n my happiness...i do not wish to experience probable historical events....too many people dying n suffering everyday so its not fine n dandy for anyone pun...tetapi what power do i have....rejecting it wld make me seem unappreciative n of course an unbeliever... yet i do not want to be a prisoner in my own fortress of fear....

im thinking cock rite now instead of talking cock....n im gona lay off from posting pictures fr now..to see hw it ends....

mat sentul

i went out with 2 very hot,hotties today...it was a sweltering afternoon in june...i brought them to KLPac..both of them hv never been there before n alia had never even been to that part of KL ...my initial reason of going there was to check out the bazaar at the market place...being cheapskates that we are it was a good thing that the bazaar was free..if u decide to catch a few gigs u had to fork out 35bux which i wasnt too fancy abt...one thing i can say abt Urbanscapes is that it was an event concentrated with an abundance of beautiful people...beautiful men especially...sayang if ur reading this, yes i indeed strayed..my eyeballs were busy eyeballing all the prime beef parading in front of me....besides all the man candy..err i mean eye candy, we got ourselves one top each, extremely sweaty armpits,a slight drizzle,and the privilege to watch several men n women attempt to move a car which was blocking our only exit point..n they did berjaya..malaysia boleh..angkat,tolak n relocate a car for the greater good boleh...

after the fartsy event, we headed for an early din din n since our darling aya's bday is a few days away we decided to treat her wit a pre-bday cake...altho what entailed afterwards did not involve any cake...i suppose watching all that 'meat' parade actually got us quite hungry... all n all it was a gud day hanging out with my 2 best girls...having good company is always a treat..so i hope u guys had fun too n aya happy pre-birthday!!!!! i say it nw just in case i forget...

my so kantoi-ed pic with kels n aya



i hv an invisible jawline..better still it's non-existent




we have known each other for abt 10 yrs now.....bt i highly doubt we look 10 yrs older than we were 10 yrs before...aku pon tk paham my mathematical equation..

p.s- oouu more pics...nw u knw..

my new bed mate

after learning abt a book that has received rave reviews among indonesians n quite a number of malaysian for quite a while, i was indeed excited to knw that ayat-ayat cinta will be shown here....so i went to go c it with suaidy today....one word...breathtaking....breathtaking because the actors were so beautiful..breathtaking because the script was wonderfully penned and of course conveyed..breathtaking because it made u realize that altho it was fictional,yet u hv to admit that it reflected so much abt us,as humans,as muslims,as a part of a community, as part as humanity we tend to be at lost sometimes....the movie made me cry...hell it made us cry...shit i wld get into trbl there by saying that..hehe sorry sayang....one huge lesson that cld be learnt from that movie is that no matter how perfect u are or at least u thot u were,we must never forget n more importantly never think that what we do nw is ever enough...enough to receive His graces....so yeah,go watch it n bring ur boyfrens coz it also shows how hard it is to marry more than one....even tho it was d first wife's idea...hehehe n no having 2 wives does not mean u can happily think that a threesome is ok...

anyway say hello to my new bedmate.....it shall remain nameless for nw becoz i find it really hard naming something....i tend to forget or would find another name more interesting than the previous one as often as u change ur underpants....my cats had to endure being called soo many things that in the end i just call all of them puss....puss is universal n transcends genders, breed n everything else in between...




you are just tremendously wonderful..yeah u...u noticed...u remembered...u acted...that my dear just got u major brownie points...

p.s-call me whatever u want bt i havent posted any pics for a very long time...so wat if it is a little too much....the sight of my clavicle (or d slight cleavage,heheh) is for u bebeh...

cold play

i am scared...scared of not able to remember...scared of forgetting...sometimes she is as familiar as the rain...she can be felt, like the sun rays that caresses my skin...bt i am scared of the times when i cldnt trace the outline of her sweet sweet face with my fingers lightly in the air....i am petrified if i cldnt hear her soothing voice anymore that reverberates in my soul...

silence,deep and absolute silence echoes in the cavity of thoughts...

i wait n i shall wait forever if it means that i shall see, feel, sense n be with u again..

extinction

today can be summed up as being royally sucky...it started already a bit greyish n it gradually turned into uglier shades of poo afterwards....

i noticed that since ive been staying at home, ive started to become extra mushy...ive become so emotional and sensitive that the slightest issue could turn gargantuan....in my world that is...but why shld i take it so hard when clearly there are other worrying issues.....being cooped up at home really doesnt help one's sanity...or rather the lack of it...hahah

"It's a cruel thing you'll never know all the ways I tried
It's a hard thing, faking a smile when I feel,
like I'm falling apart inside"

so what am i supposed to do...what do u suggest a person who is soo lost in her own world, who not only wears her heart on her sleeves but also on her pant legs, shirt collars, and pleats...how do u tell her to stop being the person that she is...how do u tell her to stop from destructing her own self...

i hope tomorrow would be a lot better than today...i can only hope for life to be better for me, for u n for everyone else...hoping alone dah tk guna dh skarang...tomorrow will just be another day of hard knocking n drilling coming from the neighbour's construction...tomorrow will just be another day of feeding the ever so hungry stray cats...tomorrow will just be as disappointing as today...or could it be something else all together?

sayang sahaja hanya lah sayang...

moisturizer

nostalgia.....

is when i look back and remember the days when i was young n carefree....when the only major concern is whether my hair is presentable enuff to save me from social embarrassment...when i only had to worry whether my crush was absent from school..(n longed for him to look my way)..when i had to come up with valid n reasonable excuses on why i 'forgot' to bring n submit my homework on time when in actual fact it is still in my schoolbag,untouched...when i would actually throw a fit when the makcik selling nasi lemak telor goreng runs out of the telor goreng 3 minutes into recess....

those were nostalgic fragments of my memories as a teen-ager not so long ago....i wonder how it was for you..

it's only been 6 yrs since i was 17 n yet i am still a bit unsure of myself....of the life ive led n the life i plan to live n the kind of life i would actually be living in....i sometimes think n feel like when i was 17....sometimes even younger than that...i guess the child or teen-ager in u does not really abandon u as u get older every year....it's nice tho as it does keep me amused when i try to shun the harshness of 'now' away for a moment of tranquility.....hahah i am soo talking cock rite now...

n y do i keep spelling teenager as teen-ager? i dont really knw....i guess the kebudakkan in me made me spell it like that...or probably age and the actual situation are actually very detached as one presumes them to be otherwise...the way i see it, i may be 45 yrs old.....but im still entitled to be at any age i prefer to be when time permits...kan?

i digress,........can we make choices when life doesn't give u any options to choose from....mungkin saya tk nampak lagi kot...buta dgn perasaan kecewa....bingung kerana harapan yang menggunung...

saya ingin melulu seketika......this is for you...

Mi Angelita

i asked God for water, He gave me a river,
i asked God for light, He gave me the sun,
i asked God for an angel and He gave me you, uuuu dubbadubba doodooo

now come here n give me some sugar!!!!!

how

Its funny when u get that funny feeling in ur gut that ur not too crazy abt when u learn of something that u shldnt have in the first place…hahaha..for example to stumble upon ur sister’s diary n although u refrain from reading it at first,yet the temptation was too strong n u ended up feeling like shit when u read a page that intricately described her mind blowing experience of being banged by ur boyfriend of 3 years…

Not to worry of course…i was just wondering abt that kind of situation n if I would fair well if that happened to me…

Le sigh..the recent turn of events, primarily the rise in oil prices was not a surprise of course…I guess all the hullabaloo is becoz people didn’t expect it to be THIS soon..but I guess it is something we all shld learn to accept and make accommodations for….wat I dnt like it is when everything else is soo badly affected by it as well…n some people really do take advantage from it…yes prices of other commodities especially food would escalate….bt vendors shldnt simply raise the prices even more just to ride on the wave of things rite nw….i am an unemployed n unmarried 23 yr old woman living in the suburbs, 8 km from the city centre….i don’t hv any liabilities, I dnt hv to pay utilities, I receive allowance from a retiree, n I normally stay at home…I cnt imagine how someone who is a 38 yr old,married father of 4 schooling children who earns just enuf to make it into the middle income group, having liabilities, having to pay utilities, mortgage, school fees, food, petrol, books, occasional treats for the family…ah long…n wat not.. I just cant imagine how is he going to stretch wat he earns, his livelihood, any further…

and to add to this impediment, soothsayers and self proclaimed oracles are foreseeing a bleak future not so long from nw..bleak is an understatement...more of doomsday would be more suitable..the world is about to end as we knw it....

but to some other poor souls, the world has already ended for them...let us reflect, let us be thankful, let us be thoughtful and helpful, let us pray, let us re-think, let us react, let us remember, and let us be a better persona of ourselves...and perhaps...just maybe..oh well..