Finding a title

Test, test,

It has been a very long hiatus since my last update. Obviously A LOT has happened since. I wish i could get my ass glued to blog about everything here in one go, but that would be too impulsive and would just defeat the reason for my comeback.

Comeback? Macamlah aku ni a hollywood has been trying to bank in on my ornate pastlife or something. No thanks to twitter, i have abandoned this blog for something more brief, accessible and perhaps more....publicized??? I mean who reads this blog anyway...i believe that my twitter rant does see the light of day..even for spammers...lame..

Anyway, one of the main reasons why i've decided to revisit and rekindle my (past) love for blogging is because of the lack of interaction i get everyday. Im getting rusty at this, being at home, unemployed and most of my daily conversation consists of negative expressions as well as going on and on about people and wheels and wipers on some bus..will get back and in depth about that later on.

Just bear with me till i get my bearings back...

Edward Sharpe & The Magentic Zero

"Moats and boats, and waterfalls,
alley ways and payphone calls,
I've been everywhere with you.

That's true...

We laugh until we think we'll die,
barefoot on a summer night,
never could be sweeter than with you.

And in the streets we're running free,
like i's only and you and me,
geez, u're something to see.

Ahh, home,
let me come home,
home is whenever i'm with you."

One of the cutest and sweetest songs, the kind which leaves you with a toothache. And this is what we have been doing, thinking, dreaming, worrying of for a while and will continue for a long time.

We've always wanted to have a place of our own once we got married. Heck i was imagining and daydreaming more on our dream house than a dream wedding back then..It didn't have to be huge and fancy, it just had to have a roof, four walls and a floor...or so i thought...hahahaah

My nights back then were filled with net-surfing for what would be our future house, making sure that it suited our budget and convenience. Initially, we thought of getting an apartment, somewhere near to town and each others parents, a good size, so we can set up a quaint place for the 2 of us and perhaps 1 or 2 kids before buying a bigger house in the future. We went to see a few units, fancied a few. But none wowed us at the beginning. We were more focused on being rational and practical so as long as it met most of our requirements..

At that point, we kept our house-hunting between the two of us. We didn't tell our parents until it was a sure thing. But knowing how excited we were, we told our parents and everything changed after that. Basically, we were advised to consider a landed house straight away. It made sense, but we thought and we know we were just not yet financially ready for such a huge commitment. Instantaneously, our hearts and minds were focused on landed properties. We visited every property fairs, went to a few viewings, weekends were driving around residential areas..haih..the search was endless. It was as if we were on a mission with a dateline looming above our heads..padahal rilek ah kan..no rush...

We almost gave up when we couldn't find anything that we liked or fit our price range. macam nak redha je nasib we might just have to bunk with our parents until.....god knows when...but this arrangement is kind of tiring. Living from a suitcase, from one parent's house to another. There's nothing wrong, really, with staying at your parents house. Its fun, keep us closer, and well acquainted with each other.etc.....But its never the same like having your own place. Hello, we would like to experience roaming around the house in our birthday suits before kids are everywhere...Can't imagine doing that now....haiyo!!! And absence makes the heart grow fonder??...No matter how hard we are at maintaining our accord, as humans we err...full stop.

So when we thought of giving up and while driving around aimlessly stalking houses one weekend i found this upcoming launch, of a terrace house,in BBR. Went to the show gallery, went ooh and aaah and we were sold!!!! It was quite an ordeal and long winded process for us. From the developer to banks to lawyers and stuff...We went to sign some papers to officiate our purchase on my birthday last year. Ive never felt so proud of myself. A beginning to many more future life changing events. I told myself, on my 26th birthday I (we actually tapi saje nk syok sendiri, self-gloating please) bought a house.

Hopefully we'll be getting the keys in January next year, which is just 3 months away...Now my days and nights, are filled with net-surfing on home and interior designs, concepts, furniture, colour schemes, latest trends, styles and, and, and appliances, recipes etc....so far we've made a few purchases..that we are very happy about. Funding our house, to make it a home, is not an easy feat. Both of us, especially him, is very much worried about that. But worry not dear, i don't mind just sitting on floor mats to have a plate of rice, ikan goreng and kicap by candle light. In fact in no time we'll be slimmer and be able to save the earth from living frugally.

No doubt there were and will be many more, tears and fears of owning you, but knowing of the endless joyful moments we'll be having, building a family life within your four walls,

"Ahh, home,
let me come home,
home is whenever i'm with you."

                                                        ~please don't mind the silly typo in the last picture.

Of superflous sweetness..

This was written in 6 May 2005...He was away for National Service for 2 years..

The day came and went. when anticipation and desire overpowers

logic, the gut churns and you'll feel nauseated. Yes, it took that

long for him to come home. But one look at this boy, priceless...The

first thing that hits you, is, who is this stranger? And then, like a

rush from some harmful substance, you realize, the familiarities of

how life was before, flashing infront of your eyes. the momentum as

fluid as the LRT, yet soundless and slow as if time stopped. 4 days of

escapism. 4 days of hysterical laughter. 4 days of jolting electrical

shocks. And ultimately, 4 days of euphoria. i should just name this

entry as The Unforgetable 4 Days.

i wrote that last friday.....its suppose to be longer...but the others

were irrelevant....

im not sure if this is fathomable....whether am i able to relay what

im trying to say....but it was really how i felt....the moment before

i got on the train on saturday,until u sent me back to kaed on

thursday....

I wrote A LOT of crappy, sappy, CORNY stuff regarding our relationship back then....Funnily, i can't even string something close to romantic (in the conventional sense of course; i find YOLO even romantic now) lately. Is it due to contentment? complacency? comfort? the same feeling of familiarity that i mentioned previously? 

5 years later from this sappy thing, and after 7 years in total of corny-ness, we got married, and have been for 2 years..Alhamdulillah....yes..that's THE word that best describes everything..Alhamdulillah

Punishment

When i was in my UIA, i had a class in islamic faith and civilization..and we had this foreign (pakistani/indian) lecturer...kind as he was, as usual, us students had our annoying antics..for example chit-chatting in class, ogling the bosnian guy, etc...so this one particular time, i was caught chatting with my guy-friend kaye...but this lecturer of ours was really kind..he wasn't the one to yell at us or make a fuss...so all he did was come up to us and made us do an additional assignment. both of us had to write an essay; kaye's was about the relationship between an unmarried man and women whereas i had to write about a muslim women's dress code...coz i was also wearing a top which was slightly see-through....

i was bored tonight so i was going through old emails and i found the essay i had written...and coz i'm lazy to write something new so instead, my short essay below...(mind you this was written on DD's palm device, susah gile kot nk type guna stylus)...

Islamic Dress Code

        Islam is a religion of peace and beauty. It calls for its followers
to perform all the things that are obligatory in order to gain
entrance into Jannah. Among the obligations a muslim must follow is to
be in a proper Islamic dress code. Islamic dress code considers
cleanliness, modesty and comfort, thus promoting the essence of Islam.

        The dress code for women is stricter than men. This is because the
women's awrah is her entire body except her face and hands. The
clothes must not be thight fitting and revealing. The hijjab must
cover the head, ears and neck. After going through the queries on
Islamonline.com, there were a few that were about the hijjab and the
Islamic dress code. In this modern day, many Muslim women feels that
wearing the hijjab contradicts and constricts their identity. They
feel that by performing other obligatory rituals is enough to be a
good Muslim. This is because if the influence of society, media and
the surrounding environment some Muslimah feels compelled not to don
the hijjab. Some feel that the hair does not have impact on men if
they were to dress modestly. However, how does one know whether a
women's hair does not entice men. In Islam, Allah wants good things
for His servants. The hijjab serves many purposes. It complements a
women's struggle to be religious and makes her faith stronger. Most of
all it promotes and guards her modesty and dignity. If a Muslim women
truly loves Allah, she will obey His rules and seek His pleasure
wholeheartedly. Her identity is not lost rather is further enhanced
and blessed. On the other hand, it is not a condition for the hijjab
to be black but it is best at concealing.

        Among the arising problems facing Muslimah nowadays is the oppression
and difficulties in wearing hijjab especially in western countries.
For instance in France, Muslimah are not allowed to wear the hijjab to
school. In this case where lives becomes unbearable for a Muslimah,
they are allowed to use the best possible alternatives available to
them. However in this situation, a Muslimah must never contemplate on
taking off her hijjab for doing so would be disobeying Allah. There
are a few ways of curbing this problem. Firstly the media is a helpful
tool in keeping the issue alive and informing the public about matters
of major concerns. Secondly, it is best to unify the community on the
beneficial goals and projects relevant to these matters in order to
achieve a common front. Lastly and rather mostly, is to pray and to submit to Allah to
help us remain vigilant and diligent in our strive for truth and
justice to prevail.

        As Muslims we are to strive in order to gain Allah's pleasure.
Conforming to the dress code permitted by Islam is an obligation. It
is our identity and helps us in avoiding sins and other wrongful acts.

Ayat last macam tergantung gitu...hahahahaha....thankfully i passed and got an A for this subject....

on the other hand, i'm still not there yet.....

Me, tak Bersih, 3.0

It has been such a long time since I've written anything here. I guess this blog is only relevant when I'm experiencing particular moods, whether I'm bummed out or elated. As it is with my own soul-searching presently, this blog's purpose is still undoubtedly, unknown.

In my 27 years of living...oh gosh I'm actually 3 years shy of 30...hahaha...anyway...I've never felt so lost, so unsure, so in doubt of myself. Hello, am i supposed to have attained an epiphany somewhere between quitting my job and picking my teeth from last nights chicken lodged in a crater-like hole in my wisdom tooth, not to mention getting even more acquainted with my duvet?

Yes, after much deliberation (or some may say desperation) I left my job as a QS last month. A huge weight was lifted from my shoulders but that was just temporary... My screw ups at work still haunt me from time to time, making a mockery of my inability to let go....

Aaaaaaand,

I dwell...A bona fide dweller...I'm not too fond of it, coz being a dweller feeds my paranoid self with seeds of doubt, no no, more like huge servings of blackish-greenish gooey bitter thoughts and chunks of negative assumptions...I'm a walking and ticking time-bomb...waiting to explode and spew out verbal abuse..Having no mercy to those nearby...The collateral damage is worse...Especially when the damage done is irreversible...

I guess with all this doubt, uncertainties and insecurities have turned me to become someone very bitter. I am a victim of my own poison. But can you blame me entirely if I got some help with the stirring... Just let it go they say. They being my conscience. They being my rational self..Haih, I guess the Jekyll in me is stronger.

I'm sorry that saying sorry is not enough.

Your anger infuriates me.

I am melting, evaporating, and exasperated.

Forks and spoons, giddy swoon.

Now can anyone tell me how to reinstall Diablo III??

2012

2012....

Perhaps this is the last year for mankind's existence? I hope not, i do wish to move into our new house next year after all that we've been through getting it...and i do hope to fit into a size 4, plus a couple of babies and the headache of figuring out that we're broke after having those couple of babies and moving into a new house..oh and i also would like to be able to finally bake something that is worth mentioning..after a few failed attempts yesterday, consecutively mind you, i wish to conclude that not all recipes are full proof....hahahah.....yes i blame the recipe and not my ineptness....

i believe this is a start..me resuming back to the world of endless rantings....hoping to find something that has been missing for a while....orang kate, if we love something dearly, it will return to u eventually albeit slightly tattered...

Blink

Its almost a year since i've last written anything here..Dah bersawang laman sesawang saya...

This used to be an outlet for me to vent out any outburst or share the delightful accounts of my mundane day to day life...but i guess complacency has taken over the best of me....when in actual fact i feel like im bursting at the seams (quite literally nowadays) with all that pent up anger and at times excitement to share...yes no doubt i do have someone i can share everything with ( I LAPS YOU BABY!!), this blog was like the echo to my thoughts...when u write the things u mean to say or do, even though half of them do not materialize it does in a bit come to life in the flow of words that are typed here...

and if u can't already notice once you've reached the third sentence, things have become rusty....writing i mean....i've been used to writing letters, emails, faxes and reports for work that it is difficult to control myself from saying " Referring to the above and our previous meeting, kindly find attached the above tabulation for your perusal and onward action"...." your prompt response is highly appreciated....."""" aaaaaarrrrghhhh....i need a creative outlet....not that im saying i was blardy creative and artistically sound before.....hey in my world i was frikkin piccasso ok!!! suke hati aku lah....

i got yelled at a meeting today.maybe yell is an exaggeration ...heheh....i was told if i can't do an estimate in half an hour i am not a good QS.....surprisingly i was not defensive heck i didnt even blink, nor fidget or felt like my blood was boiling and i was about to hurl out profanity at that person..instead i felt calm and rather amused.....coz i find what he said was TRUE.....i am NOT a good QS....at times i dont know what i am doing...but in my defense, trying to be a good QS does not necessarily mean u can do an estimate in 30 minutes, but its about being able to give an almost precise figure that is comprehensive and a good reflection of the intention or Work in question....although i am taking 1 week to do that...hahahahaha.....hey the last drawing received yesterday kot! ok stop it right there...why do i have to pollute this space with work....so i am not a good QS.....is there a legitimate profession for an awesome blow job expert?

i am fat...i've packed on almost 10kgs in this past year...countless times i've been asked about my "pregnancy" and "due date"...countless times i've repeated that i am not pregnant hence no due date....and the best remark that comes after is...oh u are so fat now...thank you...u have just given me more reason to be fatter in order to live up to your expectation and definition of fat....

"jesus is my virtue, and judas is the demon i cling to"

Thank You and Regards,

The Graceful Swine

(that has yet to be defeated by an angry bird)







I'M BAAAACCKKK!!!!!!!!

one year later

My last post is almost a year ago....it's dusty and filthy and oh so insignificant....the graceful swine that is....if u guys had guess correctly, the last post was about the new arrival of my MyVi....the first of many more financial commitments to come....and a year later my beloved "bullet of a pedophile" got stolen....may he rest in piece and may the robber rot in his own piss...Astagha...

NOthing much has changed for the past one year..i am still working at the same place....not much progress there either....i still do have weird and borderline psychotic imagery how that place can be destroyed to ruins yet all of the staff are miraculously safe....just so i can run away from the responsibility of having to be right 110% of the time...(when i can only manage to score a 45)....

I realise now that what i use to believe is right only appears so on the surface....what is underneath....gosh darn it...i smack my head in disbelief.....that is just shear folly on my side....


oh by the way....i got married to him 3 months ago....and life has been pretty much the same and exactly how i imagined it would be for all this while only its better....real life experience have actually superseded my insatiable imagination for the impossible....

...30 May 2010....beat that you nay sayers....hahahah...

i still slap myself for assurance and where modestly to bed in case JAIS walks in on us because i still cannot believe that we are married....

I wouldn't say it was easy....we had about less than 2 months to prepare and get our shit together.....and not forgetting the endless weddings of ours.....kitorang kawen bukan wedding of the year...instead its weddings for the whole year....as i look back on that less-than-2-months period of non-stop choosing the right lace, the right made-up face to go with the lace, the food to stuff our face, the simple decorations to save my "water-face", the un-explainable hormonal ridden tear-jerking moments at mamaks and supermarkets.....the "bride-zilla" who ate me.................................................................it was all worth it....coz at the end of the day now...it is me who you are with, and it is you who i will respect, care and honour...sampai ke syurga kot!!!

favourite activity...hands down.....nyeheheh

And hopefully InsyaAllah, regardless of whatever good or bad that comes our way, I hope, pray and damn well work my ass off for us to be good.........


ok till next year........