dreams

I have been experiencing interesting dreams lately….the funny kind, scary kind, adventurous kind, the sad kind and everything else…….i guess with my imaginative nature, my dreams also can get very illustrious and lively….sometimes I cld be having 3 to 4 dreams per nite…sometimes correlated and sometimes totally different….therefore making it seem like im sitting (more like sleeping) through several movies a nite…last nite my dream had me gallivanting thru town, that seemed like sgpore n Barcelona with my bf’s dad..on a business related adventure…hahaha….at first mcm ok je….going to merger meetings, associating with suspicious powerful people,pastu tetibe dah sampai kat atas jambatan besar atas laut yg tetibe for no reason snapped and there was a terrible storm….thunderous and tumultuous….siap kilat sabung menyabung..waves were 300 ft high….ships and barges were being tossed about like floatable toys in a baby’s bathtub…..and I was hanging to dear life………thankfully it ended ever so abruptly after a short while…..everything was dandy again….n I went back home as if nothing happened….weird……..tapi mcm bes…….another dream I had a few days ago felt so real and vivid……I cried in the dream n i woke up suddenly feeling like I just cried….a lot…..that was a rather sad dream……and the sadness seeped into reality……

“I’ll stop the world and melt with you, you’ve seen the difference, and it’s getting better all the time”…………

Kenape aku suke memikirkan yang bukan-bukan…….meng-imagine-kan yang bukan-bukan……kadangkale ape yang aku fikirkan memakan diriku, memamah jiwaku, merosakkan akalku, menyakitkan ragaku.. namun aku tetap akan, dan masih membiarkan imajinasiku menular…adakah aku memang tiada life, terlalu pathetic sehingga aku terpaksa mengangan-angankan perkara yang tak mungkin berlaku…..adakah itu caranya aku mendapatkan affirmation yang aku akan jadi manusia yang ok……?ataupun adakah aku sub-consciously tidak selesa, tidak bersyukur dan tidak menyukai kehidupan aku sekarang? Namun, aku rasakan yang kehidupan sederhanaku ini is more than I could ask for…jadi, mengapakah aku masih blinded by the gilded life I presume to be perfect…..aku takut…risau…dan anxious…jikalau sikap aku ini akan menyebabkan kejatuhan aku…….di masa hadapan kelak…

wahai Kamu yang Satu, help me find my way, have me close….help me be at peace….and find what I need to, to feel your ever so sweet grace……