i like to go a wandering

I haven’t written anything in this thing for quite a while now…ever since I stopped working and with no internet at home the swine has been on a long sabbatical…somehow I managed to acquire a very decent 2^nd hand laptop…at a fraction of a price too..!!!just that I will be less of RM50 every month..bayar ansuran katakan….with benefits of course…considering I bought it from sayang….anyway…a lot has happened within this past few months….the birth and demise of close friends n family….weddings,get togethers’,illnesses,goals met,hopes crushed,new friends gained,old friends lost,childhood fears overcame,old-age paranoia starts to bite you in the derrier,ape lagi…macam2….but what still remains true and all the same?....my fats….they have very much made themselves comfortable under my skin….mcm taknak blah la plak kan…I actually went on those bogus pill kurus and miracle sachet drinks…konon 3kgs in 10 days…..at first ade la some results…but it was with numerous near-tercirit experiences….so after a few uncomfortable episodes I decided to stay off of it for a while…dah abis pon bende tuh..but I noticed it interfered with my menstrual cycle..my last period lasted up to 2 weeks….terkejut juge…..and the fats are still here not wanting to move a budge…..lazy buggers….but im the mother of all lazy buggers I suppose…. however I was really depressed last nite….my arms have become so flabby that I have fat pockets now under my armpits…it feels so uncomfortable….i have fat rolls everywhere…not to mention baguettes and croissants…heck im a walking bread n pastry deli….i know im not down right fat…n for that I am grateful….tapi when u feel like u cant even feel comfortable with ur own body n everything just bugs u,I feel like I must take action.. owh I have a question,if u rest ur laptop on ur stomach while ur lying down,will u risk frying ur ovaries and potential ovums? I actually thot I was clever thinking that it might burn the fat rolls kat perot aku….

I think ill stop here………

I miss you…so terribly sometimes………terrible most times…….sometimes I forget…n I hate myself when I do…forgetting u is my biggest fear…it only has been almost 5 yrs…..sometimes it feels long ago…sometimes it feels like it never happened……..what happened to us…….we were so close……..almost inseparable………we were like kidneys to eachother…haha…im the left one n ur the right one…we might be able to live with just one but having both next to eachother is much better…..makes u live longer and…function…better…makes u feel whole…we were like a single unit….sometimes when I lose myself and I think of you,the thots will make me stop n wonder,what did I do to deserve u……u don’t need a person like me……….unreliable……untrustworthy…….undeserving of ur love…….but I know that u do..unconditionally…yet I have done nothing……but all I know that my love for u is almost eternal….becoz there is only One eternal love…u kow that too of course……u are surrounded with that eternal love I long to be a part of……..sometimes I have people asking me how close were we….sometimes I feel that they should have a repugnant beef jerky shoved into their mouths for saying that……I guess they were just curious,or lost of ideas for a conversation……….i don’t blame them I suppose…….very few share what we have……….very few can understand how its like……I don’t expect many too…….its a life experience we all need to go through ourselves….i love you…I know I use to say that a lot….but I miss saying it to u…..relentlessly…..i never get tired of saying it…neither do u ever get bored of hearing it……..i love u….

And you……well done my dear…..thank u will never be enuff….thank u for bringing out the best in me…..thank u for being the best….n also trying to be the best,….